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rwiting tips

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Consarn, Jul 31, 2019.

  1. Consarn

    Consarn certified non-furry VIP Supporter

    Likes Received:
    May 7, 2017
    ultraviolent, windswept
    hello. it is the consarn. but now i'm writing writing tips because y'all couldn't make a good story if your lives depended on it
    anyway we should start by the setting
    so uh

    the first thing you should think of is the style you wanna go with. do you want a humorous plot set in modern nyc, a more serious romance in france, or maybe even a self parodying satire of most fairy tales? of course not. what you really want is GRIMDARK. in the middle ages for good measure

    so we have the theme, now for the world. you want a gritty, unrealistic world where everything sucks for no reason. food is scarce, water is scarce, fun is scarce, trees for scarce to hide on are scarce, and most importantly, people with personalities are scarce. the last prince of the totally not useless good kingdom died of a tumor on his brain cancer because he was too interesting. you want serious characters. the villain should have an intimidating name that would intimidate people so hard they'd piss pants on their pants (i don't think they existed yet but shut up). i'll use ignacius blackwood as a placeholder for now. anyway, ignacius is bad and ugly and wants to do... something. he's evil. we don't know what the fuck he wants to do, but being evil is his only personality trait, so who fucking cares

    and now for the hero. he's like the same kind of guy, down to putting lego in front of an innocent puppy's house every morning, except you're supposed to like him. maybe because he's reluctant to do evil things, but only eats kittens for a greater good. i'll go with... uh... ignatius blackward? yeah, that could work. anyway, ignacius is warm and bad and ignatius is a hero despite not eating his vegetables (come on, it's the middle ages, there's nothing to eat but the apparently extremely scarce vegetables). if you get carried away and make him do something really bad like bullying the local fat kid, just say he didn't mean to mean to do it

    and finally, the finishung touches. it's medieval, so the only people are the king, ignatius and everyone else. the king (hey, it could be ignacius) and ignatius will be the only ones to take way too long to die anyway. one more thing you have to remember is that kids don't exist. you can either justify it by having ignacius eat children for lunch or by not even bothering and making it so that people are born adults
    what do you mean i didn't finish that? setting up the rest of the world is your job. that'll justify the procrastination i'll probably encourage in this post
    anyway the plot so we can at least find a shitty excuse for whatever ignacius is doing

    once upon a time, in the middle ages (i don't know when that was, so 1985 should do), an ancient really evil dragon, more powerful than every man combined, tried to wreck shit for no good reason. it lost to those men that were apparently weaker than it. then, instead of killing it, they sealed it in an unsuspicious glowing orb of darkness (is that an oxymoron?).

    tens of thousands of years later, but somehow still in the middle ages (let's go with 1987), someone wants that oxymoron orb because they think a genie is in it. that's ignacius, the super smart king of the fictional land of great britain. anyway, he wants his three wishes, and will get them at any cost, this cost being finding a macguffin that can open the door to the paradox pearl.

    his plan is going really smooth. maybe he'll even get to the part where he goes outside someday. but oh no, the local social media (or just rumors that come out of nowhere) told ignatius that ignacius wants a genie, so he wants to stop ignacius. wait, i thought the world was supposed to suck or som- oh and his sister got killed for no reason. there we go, that's a good dose of D A R K N E S S

    one character made specifically to die so you'd feel bad led to another and they get the macguffin, either from the magical macguffin maintainer or just a series of death traps they both plot convenience through. and then they fight over it until they end up in the door, also blocked by a ghostly gate guardian or even more death traps they were too distracted to get killed by, and ignacius finally gets his cool genie

    the cool genie wakes up, stepping on ignatius' 20th sister in the process, and says "hello yes hi im not a genie you dumb fuck" and gently pats ignacius in the back, instantly breaking every single one of his bones and sending him flying into a wall, where he meets his instant death. well, i said instant, but if you're in the mood for some anime cliches you can let him have one last speech about how his life sucked because his dad once made him step on a lego ON PURPOSE, and motivates ignatius to beat the dragon that was stronger than the entire population of wherever the fuck they are. he wins, and this can go in one of two ways:
    1. ignatius comes back to his land, but the fierce fight between him and the not genie killed everyone, including his 10 remaining sisters, at which point he lives a sad, bad life and dies
    2. ignatius just dies right away
    what comes between those parts? no one cares about that. as far as you care, they could have went on a date or overcome the 10 trials of torture, which were really easy
    now, i know what some of you might be thinking, and the answer is- VIDEO ADAPTATION OVERRIDE

    translating your totally original work of art into a thing you can see and hear comes with many upsides and downsides. here's a small list of each, just in case

    • you won't need any imagination to get the most out of the epic action scenes
    • epic action scenes
    • shorter
    • you can get a team of people that barely don't fall into the "r/crappydesign sacred cow" category
    • epic music
    • you can't translate descriptions of ignatius' hotness into movie form
    • you may have to kill less sisters
    • you might actually have to address the inconsistencies in your plot in one way or another
    • that mean stinky idiot ihe might say mean things about it
    and it's that simple. you'll be rich in an instant!

    oh, and one more thing. you need to think of what kind of music you want. there are two types of music that can describe GRIMDARK: if you want an epic movie with epic epicness, go with generic orchestral scores. but if you're more of a gacha fan (and yes, i mean THAT gacha), go with nightcore and music box remixes of pop songs. note that the second one won't work as well on movie
    and we're done. of course, you could dive deeper into the characters' lives and motives, slowly turn one of the less interesting people into strong, likeable people with a good chance of being fan favorites... oooor you could just kill them for a quick tear. remember this
    When you are in doubt,
    Kill an extra right away
    Then make another.

    and so, i'm done. i hope this helps you
    and i know what you're wondering. and the answer is FUCK GRAMMAR
    Masvroh likes this.
  2. Skye

    Skye Ascended Member

    Likes Received:
    Dec 15, 2018
    Global ID:
    Regina, Kryla, Nyx
  3. Manveru

    Manveru "Hall of Fame" Member

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    Jan 22, 2018
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    My stomach hurts a bit, the pizza was too cold :/

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